Freeze
by maybeitsjustmyimagination
Summary: Alec is a regular Shadowhunter, but when he meets Magnus, everything changes. Alec is faced with a decision to make: to live a lie or to face the truth?
1. Prologue

**Freeze**

**Prologue**

The doorbell rang. Magnus let out a large sigh as he walked over to the door for the hundredth time that night._ I really ought to stop throwing parties for Chairman_, he thought. _He never appreciates what I do for him, and does anyone else here_ _really care about what a warlock has to go through to throw a party for his cat?_

It required a lot more effort than one would think to throw a party for a cat; clearing out the loft just so it could be ransacked, writing out invitations when people would come and go as they pleased, trying to find the cat itself - Why did he bother?

Throwing parties for Chairman Meow were the only thing that kept Magnus' life interesting. The truth was that Magnus and the Chairman were rather anti-social, but being the High Warlock of Brooklyn forced Magnus to keep an eye on his fellow downworlders, many of which he did not enjoy being associated with.

He finally reached the door, having passed through the room packed with vampires, fairies and all sorts of repulsive creatures, most of whom had the brain sizes of a snail. It was difficult for Magnus to be around those of his own kind when he clearly outranked them all when it came to levels of intelligence. And pretty much everything else.

Waiting for him at the door were five teenagers. _Well this should be interesting_.

He was greeted by an overly perky, overly enthusiastic girl, who seemed desperately trying to make a good impression. Magnus tiredly raised his eyebrows. _Of course: Nephilim._ He looked over her and her companions carefully. Behind her stood a suspicious looking blonde (who looked prepared to strangle someone), a familiar looking redhead (who stood in awe at his attire), an extremely lost looking nerd (clearly a mundane) and a calm looking boy with soft blue eyes.

The blue eyed boy took a few seconds to register the warlock's gaze upon him and quickly looked away before the expression on his face could be read. Was it disgust, possibly hatred? Magnus had received those looks from many Shadowhunters over the years, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. All of their kind was the same. _What a shame. He is pretty._

Magnus hardly paid attention to what the girl was saying, but looked thoughtfully over the odd group once more before allowing them in. Perhaps this would liven up the partly a bit.

As it turned out, the group had not come to crash his party, but to talk.

* * *

"Am I in trouble with the Clave?" Magnus inquired, although he knew as well as they did that a group of adolescent Shadowhunters had little authority when it came to matters with the Clave.

"No."

"Probably not," Alec unhelpfully added. He was rewarded with a kick from his parabatai.

Magnus quickly developed a disliking for the blonde boy. Jace clearly worshiped himself, and seemed intent on getting what he wanted. His friend, however, was quite the opposite. Alec, as he learnt the blue eyed boy's name was, seemed much less self-centred, and thankfully didn't have his friend's manner of superiority. _For a shadowhunter_, Magnus thought, _Alec seems oddly... different._

Although his companions, in particular Clary and Simon who had never seen much of their world before, seemed at a discomfort to Magnus' apparent lunacy, Alec took a liking to the warlock. Alec had never seen someone so comfortable in their own skin – not even Jace.

Magnus didn't come across as what Alec had always been taught about downworlders. He wasn't cold, heartless and inhuman. In fact, he was the most human person Alec had ever met.

Alec shook his head. What was he thinking? He shouldn't have even let Clary and the others come here. The Clave wouldn't approve of him allowing them to go to the party, even if he was initially against it. _Anyway_, he thought. _Magnus clearly doesn't like Shadowhunters. The sooner we get out of here the better._

* * *

To Alec's disappointment, his prayers were answered as the party ended much sooner than expected. He knew it should have been a good thing, but he couldn't help but feel a slight pang of sadness. As a Shadowhunter he didn't get to get out much and it was nice for once to do something other than training.

As they were walking out, although hardly paying attention, Alec caught Magnus' words. "...and as for you-", Alec realised these words were directed at him. "Call me?"

It took time for Alec to register what just happened. His jaw dropped as he stood in the doorway, frozen. He began to stutter and Magnus couldn't help but look slightly amused. _Yup, he's definitely a Shadowhunter. _He was spared a response as Jace hauled him towards the door. He had never been so grateful in his life.

Watching them leave, Magnus couldn't help but feel slightly disheartened. Looking down he noted that Chairman Meow had made his reappearance. He sighed once again as he shut the door.


	2. Chapter 1

**Freeze**

**Chapter 1**

"Alec..."

"No." Isabelle sighed. She hated her brother's stubbornness at times, although she was just the same. The past few hours Isabelle had been helping their mother with the preparations for the grand banquet the Lightwoods were organising and she wasn't in the mood to argue.

"Alec, come on. All of us are expected to be there tomorrow." Alec detested Shadowhunter get-togethers, and this banquet was no exception. Why should he have to go to a pointless banquet when he could be spending his time doing absolutely anything else? Sadly nobody else understood this.

Isabelle quickly lost her patience and began hammering on the door. "Alec stop being a child and get out right now!" The door opened. _Wow,_ Isabelle said to herself. _I didn't expect him to give up so easily_. Her brother was scowling on the other side.

"You can't make me."

"Oh come on. You know very well I _can_ make you come. I know you hate this sort of thing but we have to be there for mom. And I will _not _let you weasel your way out of another one."

Alec pouted. "Jace doesn't have to go," he said rather pathetically, although already knew what his sister's response would be.

Isabelle rolled her eyes, but showed no sympathy. She was the younger of the two and she didn't need to baby him. "Because Jace isn't a Lightwood. Honestly Alec, it's not as if you don't know this. It's just a few hours, it won't kill you." He was about to argue with this comment but Isabelle didn't give him the chance. "I am prepared to fight you for this, you know. And I think we both know who will win that battle," and he did. "You are coming weather you like it or not."

At last Alec gave in. He never had a chance when it came to his sister getting what she wanted. "Fine - but I am _not_ wearing a suit."

She smirked. "Right"_ So sweet. He thinks he has a choice._

As she began to walk off, proud of her success, a thought came to mind. "And anyway..." she smiled evilly. "I heard that your friend _Magnus_ is going to be there." Alec turned a dark shade of red. He had almost forgotten that night where he was flirted with by the glittery warlock who was probably three hundred years older than him. If that was something that could be easily forgotten.

"We're not... he's not my friend," Alec mumbled.

They'd had this argument plenty of times before but Alec knew he was never going to be able to convince her. Isabelle knew that Alec was gay even if he still tried to ignore the fact. But she had no proof that he had any interest in Magnus – she honestly wasn't paying attention that night – but as a sister it was her responsibility to annoy her brother.

"Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't know you were _more_ than friends." Oh how she loved tormenting her brother.

"I don't like him or anything." Alec knew how feeble he sounded. "He's a warlock."

Isabelle knew her brother, and she knew that he wasn't as shallow as that. "So?"

"He and I are not friends or anything more, Isabelle."

"Right," Isabelle nodded, and glided away before he could throw more weak arguments at her.

* * *

The hall was slowly filling with more and more people as they were greeted by all but one of the Lightwoods at the front door.

This one Lightwood who made the exception had stormed off to slouch in a chair in the far corner of the large room to avoid any attention. It had taken Maryse and Isabelle two hours to get Alec into something formal and an additional 20 minutes for Isabelle to shove him through the door.

Avoiding his family was revenge for Isabelle lying to him about not having to wear anything formal. Of course this didn't really affect Isabelle in any way, so she was fine having her brother hate her for the next few hours. As far as she was concerned, her job was done.

Alec looked up at the ceiling when the large chandelier hung, beaming down light onto the crowds of Shadowhunters and other distinguished guests. He just did not understand why everything had to be so formal. Why couldn't everyone just dress normally, rather than go out of their way to get fancy suits and dresses they will never wear again? There was just no logic to it.

After a good few minutes of scowling, Alec poured himself a glass of water and sat back down again, still being incredibly grumpy over everything.

That was, until, he heard a familiar voice from behind him. "Mind if I sit here?" Alec choked on the glass of water. He knew that voice. And he realised his sister hadn't been lying.

"Are you okay?" the now concerned voice asked. Alec slowly turned around. There standing behind him was Magnus Bane.

Alec fumbled over what to say and then realised Magnus had asked him a question. "Oh, hi... yeah - I'm fine thanks."

Magnus took this as an invitation and sat down. "Good." The tall man didn't look as sparkly as he did on the night of the party. He wore a suit jacket over a white V-necked t-shirt and a washed out pair of black jeans. His hair was still spiked, although he had taken the liberty of removing some of the colours and glitter. Despite him still looking like a freakishly bright pixie, this was the most effort Magnus was willing to go to for a Shadowhunter event.

As they sat, the question from a few nights ago remained lingering in both their thoughts. Magnus knew he shouldn't have asked, Alec was a Shadowhunter after all, from a strict Shadowhunter family, but at the time he just couldn't help himself. Plus Alec's reaction was adorable. However now it just made everything awkward.

Finally Alec decided to speak.

"Why did you say that?" he said quietly.

Magnus looked puzzled. "What did I say?"

The shorter boy put his head down. "At the party... you asked me."

Magnus didn't know how to respond to the question.

Luckily he didn't have to. "Nobody knew I am... Well Izzy might have thought so, but nobody really knew. And now they all think it and... I'm not..."

"Oh." The warlock hadn't considered this at all. He hadn't considered that the reason Alec couldn't respond that night was because he hadn't come out yet. He had assumed it was because Alec hadn't taken him seriously. But Alec seemed to have taken him very seriously.

"Alec, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." It wasn't often the warlock apologised, but he meant it.

There was silence again. Then Alec spoke.

"It's okay. You couldn't have known." This didn't stop Magnus from feeling terribly guilty.

_How can I change the subject?_ Alec thought. "I hate these get-togethers," Alec stated bluntly. _I am terrible at this. How do people like Jace never make themselves sound stupid? _"They are too formal."

"I know exactly what you mean." He hadn't expected Magnus to agree with him. "They are so dull. Who says a bit of glitter isn't appropriate for a formal dinner?" Alec coughed over the glass of water again. "What?"

He signalled to Magnus' hair. "Well... no offence Magnus, but you're not particularly short on glitter."

"You mean my hair? That only has glitter in it because I couldn't wash it out. It is surprisingly difficult."

Alec smiled for the first time in a long time.


	3. Chapter 2

**Freeze**

**Chapter 2**

**Wow chapter 2 already. I hope you like it so far!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They are owned by Cassandra Clare.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

As the guests were leaving Isabelle strode towards her elder brother. She hadn't seen him all night since he stormed off. "Hey Izzy," Alec said. Isabelle frowned. _He's acting suspiciously_.

"Hey," she responded slowly. There was something wrong with her brother – very wrong. Alec was meant to be angry at her, but he seemed... _neutral_. Even when he wasn't angry, he was grumpy or scowling, or both, but never _neutral_. Plus he had never let go of a grudge that quickly. She knew her brother too well and she knew something was up. And she intended of finding out what it was.

"I saw you talking to Magnus earlier," she began to walk alongside him. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he had to leave," Alec answered absently. He had spent the whole night talking to Magnus and, to his surprise as much as anyone else's, he actually didn't mind. In fact, he really liked Magnus. All his life, Alec realised, he had never had a proper friend. He had always been surrounded by his family, but for once he had someone who he got along with who he wasn't _obliged_ to get along with. And it felt really nice. "He had to feed his cat."

She eyed him worriedly. He didn't look drunk. There had to be something she was missing. Her eyes fell upon something he held in his hand. "What's that?"

He looked down at his hands. "Just my phone," he replied, trying to act casual about it.

"Can I see it?" the words were hardly out of her mouth as she snatched the phone from his hands.

"Isabelle..." Alec helplessly protested. He didn't feel like arguing again. His sister stared at the phone screen. A number stared back at her – a phone number.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You got his number?"

"Shush!" He glanced around. When he saw nobody was around to hear, he continued. "Yeah, I got his number. And...?" He hadn't planned on Isabelle finding out as her reaction was sure to be crazy. He really didn't understand how his sister's craziness worked and although it rarely happened, he didn't want to provoke it.

"Do you have any idea what this means? Do you like him, Alec?" She searched his face for an answer.

It was Alec's turn to look surprised. "W-why would you think that?"

She ignored his question. "Oh my god you do! You like him! And you have his number already. Wow I thought I worked fast but this is incredible – especially for you!" She was talking incredibly fast.

"_Iz!_ What are you talking about? It's a phone number, that doesn't mean anything." _Does it?_

Her face dropped. "You aren't serious are you?" Isabelle looked at him unbelievingly. Alec seemed convinced of what he was saying. "Oh my god you are. Alec: my poor, sweet, naive brother. You don't know anything about this do you?" They now stood alone in the hallway.

"W-what is there to know? He asked for my number, we exchanged numbers. That's it." Alec was confused as to why his sister was making such a big deal out of a phone number. It was just that wasn't it? It was just a phone number.

Isabelle shook her head. He clearly was beyond lost when it came to things like this. She had to put this in simple terms. "Alec, when someone asks for their number it means they like you." _How does he not know this?_

"But we're just friends." Alec said tiredly, but there was a nervous tone to his voice. He hadn't considered what having another person's phone number could possibly imply.

"So at the party...?"

"He was just joking!" But even he wasn't convinced by his own words. He had completely forgotten about the party. "Isabelle, come on. We're not... And you know I'm not... He's just a friend."

She sighed. This wasn't going to get them anywhere. And she needed to give him a break. Obviously this was all new to him and he wasn't going to learn overnight. Better to let him figure things out on his own. "Okay! I believe you. Now come back inside, we need to say goodbye to the guests."

"No," he said stubbornly. "I'm going to my room. I've spent too much time wearing this stupid suit anyway." And with that, he stormed away for the second time that night.

Isabelle looked at him as he did. What was she going to do with him?

* * *

The next week passed by rather slowly. Alec was constantly working or training, and receiving the occasional knowing glance from his sister which he tried desperately to ignore.

On the whole, it was awful. Although he was used to the daily routine, Alec often got tired from doing nothing but work. But somehow since his talk with Isabelle, everything seemed more complicated than it was.

When he finally found some spare time he went to his room and collapsed on the newly made bed at let out a huge sigh.

At that moment something lit up on his bedside table. His phone!

Alec reached for the phone and looked at the message on the screen.

_How's life little Shadowhunter?_ It was from Magnus.

_Awful_, he sent back. And it was true. Not only was she pestering him, since his parents had left Isabelle had gone back to cooking and he hadn't eaten anything properly in days.

The phone lit up again. _How about you take a break? There's a nice little coffee shop near me. Meet me there?_

_Sounds great,_ he replied.

As Alec pressed send, Isabelle's words came back to haunt him. _Do you like him, Alec?_

Just because they were going out for coffee didn't make them more than friends, did it? What if it did? Alec began to panic and wished he knew about these sorts of things. Come to think of it, how did Isabelle know about these sorts of things? He'd have to interrogate her later.

But in the mean time, what was he supposed to do? He wished he could ask somebody what to do, but there was nobody to ask. He couldn't ask his sister, who had been warning him about this happening. She would just make things worse. But he couldn't ask anyone else either. He didn't want to give them any ideas about him being gay. Because he wasn't, was he?

Alec's thoughts were getting more and more confused. They were just friends, weren't they? It's not as if Magnus had implied he wanted to be more than friends – oh wait, he had. But he was just joking wasn't he? And that talk about Alec not being out pretty much eliminated being anything more than just good friends.

So it was settled. They were just friends.

The phone screen lit up once more. _:)_

_Just good friends_.


	4. Chapter 3

**Freeze**

**Chapter 3**

**Thank you for the nice reviews!**

**This chapter was a little hard to write but I got there in the end.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments or any of the characters**

Magnus sat patiently in the small coffee shop. It was the first time all week he had been patient, which was odd as he had always been a patient person. He couldn't deny the fact that he was rather happy he would be seeing Alec again.

_Alec_. The name had been on his mind for days. It was a lovely name. It was the kind of name that put a smile on your face when you heard it.

Magnus knew what it was like to fall for someone, he had been alive long enough to experience it plenty of times before, but something this time was different. He didn't know what it was, but he knew something was different. And that worried him.

Worrying – another thing he wasn't known to do.

Luckily he did not worry much longer as he saw Alec enter the coffee shop. He watched the Shadowhunter push his dark hair out of his face and look around with his perfect blue eyes.

Perfection wasn't something Magnus believed in. There were too many things in life for there to be anything which was simply perfect. Yet the quiet, kind and good-hearted Shadowhunter seemed to be an exception.

Magnus had been surprised when Alec had agreed to meet him. He knew Alec wasn't out yet and knew he was pushing his luck when he asked, but he had to see his sweet face again.

Finally Alec spotted Magnus sitting by the window. And he couldn't help a wave of relief wash over him.

Suddenly Alec became nervous. _What do I say? I have to say something. I am terrible with words! Why can't I be Jace? _The warlock noticed Alec was tense and realised that perhaps choosing to meet in a public place was not the best idea.

"Alexander," Magnus smiled. _He has a nice smile,_ Alec thought.

He eventually let out a small "Hi."

After all this time Alec couldn't believe he didn't know what to say. He wasn't the best when it came to words but suddenly Alec couldn't speak at all. When he tried to say something he forgot, getting distracted by Magnus' gold-green eyes. _Why is this happening?_ Alec couldn't remember ever finding it so difficult to say anything.

He was grateful when Magnus broke the silence. "How about I go get us some coffee?"

"Thanks." Alec realised he had never had coffee before. _Why don't I think things through beforehand?_

When Magnus returned he handed a cup to Alec and sat down again. Alec took a small sip and pulled a face in disgust. It was very bitter.

Magnus looked amused. "Never had coffee before?"

"No."

"You don't like it, do you?"

Alec shook his head. "No."

"Neither do I."

Alec couldn't help but laugh. Magnus liked it when his face lit up like that. "So... What now?" Alec asked.

The warlock thought for a moment. "Well, if you prefer tea I have plenty at my house."

"Okay." The idea of being at Magnus' house sounded terribly awkward, but Alec reminded himself: they were only friends. Plus he thought nothing could possibly get more awkward between them than it already was.

* * *

The walk to Magnus' house wasn't a long one, but it allowed them to finally speak properly.

When they reached the house Magnus held the door open for Alec as he walked inside. The loft was an untidy room with books and papers scattered across the coffee table and parts of the floor. Alec sat down on the sofa as Magnus went into the kitchen.

It was an interesting room, Alec thought. There were splashes of colour here and there and nothing about the room was dull. But something struck Alec as odd. Something about the room didn't quite seem right.

Alec looked at the table and walls. There were no pictures, he realised. In his own home, there were pictures everywhere of him, his siblings and other family and close friends. Pictures all of people they cared about. But Magnus' apartment had none. _That's kind of sad._

He didn't notice when Magnus came back and placed two cups of tea onto the table. He also didn't notice the grey and white cat curled up on the floor beneath his feet.

As Alec tripped over the Chairman (who hardly seemed to notice), Magnus moved swiftly across the room and caught him before he hit the floor.

"Thanks," Alec breathed as Magnus helped him up. He had almost fallen face first into the floor. Only then did he realise how close they were. They were practically chest to chest.

For Alec, everything seemed to slow down. Magnus knew he ought to give things more time, but being so close to Alec he couldn't stop himself from bringing his lips to his.

The Shadowhunter didn't react – he didn't know how. He was in shock. And although he hadn't expected that at all, Alec didn't mind. The kiss was sweet and gentle, but Alec felt a strange energy running through his body. It felt... right.

They eventually pulled apart. Magnus smiled. That was when everything went wrong.

It was as if Alec had woken up from a dream. _What just happened?_ He looked down. _No, no, no this isn't right. This didn't happen._

"I should go."

Magnus' smile became a frown when Alec pushed him away.

"Alec..." He continued to look down and began walking quickly to the door. He couldn't look Magnus in the face. If Alec saw how he was hurting he wouldn't have been able to live with himself. He wasn't sure how to live with himself _now_.

"Please Alec, wait." The pain was reflected in Magnus' voice. But Alec couldn't do anything. He couldn't do anything but keep walking.

He reached the door of the building without looking up and walked out, without leaving so much as a goodbye. He didn't think he could.

As he hurried off, Magnus stood in the doorway, watching him as he disappeared into the night.

* * *

Isabelle slid into the hallway quietly. She had made it safely so far and she didn't want to attract attention in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep.

She paused. Someone else was walking through the halls, albeit much less silently than she was. _It could be an intruder_. She spotted something. She was definitely not alone. She decided to sneak up on the shadowy figure. As she approached she could just about make out the figure's features against the soft light coming in from the window. _Strange_, she thought. _It looks slightly like..._

"Alec?"

The figure paused. "Isabelle?"

Her brother was the last person she expected to see. "Alec it's past midnight what are you doing?" She interrupted with another question. "I haven't seen you for hours, where have you been?"

Her brother looked at her and she realised she knew the answer to her own question. "I could ask you the same thing."

The younger girl was about to respond, but stopped. He looked shaken. "Alec, what happened? Is everything okay?" She stepped towards him but he stepped away.

"Yeah, everything is fine." She knew it wasn't.

"Alec..."

"Iz," He looked her in the eyes. "Just don't."

She stopped. Recently, she realised, she had been interfering with her brother's life too much. He already had enough on his shoulders; he didn't need her constantly reminding him of his problems. She felt terrible.

Isabelle said, "Let's just forget we saw each other here tonight."

"Deal," her brother nodded.

She gently opened her door and slid inside. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he said as he closed his door, but as he did she managed to catch the tears in his eyes.


	5. Chapter 4

**Freeze**

**Chapter 4**

**Sorry I did not post sooner! I really wish I could have but I had like 3 days without internet.**

**I almost lost it. Like Alec is about to...**

**But I'm here now!**

**I might not be able to post regularly these next few days but I will post whenever I can.**

* * *

Isabelle was concerned about her brother. It wasn't often she showed much open sisterly concern but she had never seen Alec how he was. Something was bothering him.

Since the night she caught him sneaking in (although for the sake of the deal that night had never happened), Isabelle noticed Alec had lost focus. His mind always seemed to be somewhere else and he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. He was eating less of her food than usual, which she didn't think was possible, and some of the colour in his eyes had faded.

Others may not have noticed these subtle changes in Alec's behaviour, but Isabelle did. She had asked him if he was alright a number of times, but he always gave the same hollow response that he was fine. Yet it was clear he was anything but fine.

She decided to leave the Institute to get some fresh air. Isabelle always went out when she was needed to think. She hated seeing her brother so unhappy and wished she could do something about it. She had offered for him to come with her but he declined, saying he wanted some time alone.

When she opened the door of the Institute, a tall, lean figure stood before her.

_Oh no._

It was beyond certain that Alec's behaviour had something to do with the warlock. She would have wanted to confirm her suspicions, but had promised herself not to get in Alec's way when it came to relationships any more. Isabelle was so sure they had heard the last from Magnus. And yet here he was standing in the doorway.

"Isabelle."

"Magnus." She didn't know how she ought to greet him. "Um... Can I help you with anything?"

"Perhaps you could. I have been meaning to borrow a book from your library."

Isabelle didn't buy it. It was too coincidental. "What for?" There was no way that Magnus had come all this way for a book.

"Oh, I just need a spell for a client – nothing major." His tone was trustworthy but Isabelle still had doubts. But it wasn't her place to say no.

"Okay," she complied. "But as long as you leave straight after."

His facial expression seemed to sadden a little. "I would have no reason to stay."

* * *

Alec had been staring at the ceiling in his room for too long. His room was unusually tidy, but his mind was a mess.

He hated having free time now. It gave him more time to think. And the more he thought, the worse he got. But he couldn't put what happened out of his head. How could he? He couldn't pretend it didn't happen, because it did happen. But he still didn't know what to make of it.

On the spur of the moment the kiss felt right. It felt as everything around him had just disappeared, as if nothing mattered, as if everything was perfect. It was only afterwards that things felt wrong. Like the world started falling apart.

Everything he had ever known told him that what had happened shouldn't have. That didn't stop him from still feeling awful for leaving Magnus. _Magnus, Magnus, Magnus._ Alec had wanted space to think. Even Isabelle had decided to leave him be. Now he had all the space he could possibly want. And it was killing him.

What do people do in these situations? _Not run away, for a start. _Alec groaned. Even his own mind was turning against him. If he went on any longer like this, he would lose it.

_I need something to do to keep my mind off it. I should have said yes to that walk._

In the end Alec decide to feed Church. If someone didn't feed the vicious feline soon it would scratch someone's eyes out, so at least he was being useful.

He opened his door and began to walk to the library.

* * *

Isabelle was just down the corridor from the library after she had shown Magnus there. _Maybe I should put off my walk for a while._

It was then when she heard footsteps walking towards the library. Her eyes widened in horror. _No, no, no, no._

She ran back but it was too late. Alec had gone into the library.

_Why didn't I think this would happen?_ There was nothing she could do now. She peered carefully past the library door – to be a witness to everything that was about to happen.

* * *

Alec froze once he entered the library. "Magnus?" _Why? Why does he come at the worse possible times?_ "W-what are you doing here?" He felt almost sick with worry. He hadn't expected this to happen. He hadn't wanted this to happen. This shouldn't have happened.

The warlock, who stood on the opposite side of the library, hesitated, but avoided looking at Alec. "I needed to borrow a book. The library here is well kept, so I should be gone soon."

"No." Alec spoke up. "Why are you really here?"

"Believe me Alexander, if there was somewhere else I could've gone I would have." The tone he used when he said his namewas cold. And he was still avoiding Alec's gaze. It hurt.

Alec didn't know what to expect next. He knew he couldn't keep pushing things away. That didn't make troubles disappear. He hadn't expected an apology. He had let Magnus kiss him. And something told him Magnus didn't feel entirely sorry for doing it. But Alec just didn't know how _he_ felt about it.

He was not going to say sorry either. He didn't know if he was sorry. But he knew the one thing that was definitely true.

"It wasn't because of you," Alec said, although it was hardly even a whisper.

Magnus gave in and turned to face him.

Alec looked away. "I didn't leave because of you," he repeated. And with that he began to walk out of the library, head hanging. Almost inaudibly he continued. "I left because of me."

* * *

***sniffles***


	6. Chapter 5

**Freeze**

**Chapter 5**

**Sorry for not regularly posting! I've been having tons of crazy internet problems so I am doing my best to post whenever I can!**

**I had trouble starting this chapter but once I did it seemed to flow easily.**

**I own nothing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Books scattered the desk as Magnus scribbled some notes down onto the closest scrap of paper. He was falling behind on some work and he wanted to get it done quickly. Sadly that plan failed as he was interrupted by a large meow.

The Chairman was looking angrily up at him. He had almost forgotten to feed Chairman Meow again. _One day that poor cat will end up starving_, thought Magnus. "What has that Shadowhunter done to me?" he asked himself as he picked up the cat and walked over to the kitchen. He could have sworn the Chairman was shaking his head as he followed him.

At that moment, his phone began to ring. He picked it up as he began to pour the Chairman's food in a bowl. To his complete shock, resulting in almost dropping the bowl on the unfortunate cat, the caller ID read _Alec_.

Something was wrong. He had only been at the Institute yesterday and Alec hadn't seemed to be in the mood to talk. Magnus doubted much had changes since then. He didn't know whether or not to answer. In the end he did.

"Magnus," the dry voice at the other end wasn't Alec's. "Magnus, it's Isabelle," she said. It was strange for the usually very composed girl to sound so shaky.

"Is everything alright Isabelle? You sound dreadful."

She was coughing at the other end. "I knew he had your number. It was Alec. He was injured by a greater demon. We've tried contacting the Silent Brothers but it's no use."

Magnus swore in a language Isabelle didn't recognise as he threw Chairman his food and grabbed his jacket as he hurried to the door. "I'll be right over."

* * *

Everything was white. There was nothing but whiteness. Nothing but whiteness and the strange warmth Alec felt inside of him.

Despite everything around him looking so cold and empty, Alec felt warm inside, as if there was a small flame inside of him. It was that small flame that told Alec he wasn't dead. The flame was keeping him alive.

As his eyelids fluttered open, he began to absorb his surroundings.

He knew he wasn't in his room – it didn't have that homely feel to it. Yet the room wasn't unfamiliar either. He looked around to see what else could tell him where he was or what had happened. The last thing Alec could remember was leaving to search for the Mortal Cup with Clary, Jace and Isabelle. But after that, everything in his mind was a big blank. _I hope they are alright._

Magnus saw Alec as he awoke. And he felt the fear being released from his chest. Of course, Magnus knew his own ability and would have had no doubts about being to save Alec, had it not been for the fact that he almost died from worry.

Alec tried to lift his head but immediately regretted it. At once Magnus came to his side to help him.

Alec registered it was Magnus who was there in the room with him. But unlike under normal circumstances, he wasn't fazed by it. In fact, he was comforted by it.

He made Magnus jump when he reached out to hug him.

"Alec, honey you ought to get some sleep."

The boy looked up at him directly in the eyes. Magnus realised Alec had never done that before, as well as realising that his eyes were even more beautiful up close. "I'm not tired," Alec said truthfully. He felt very awake. "Where is Izzy? Are they all okay?" His eyes didn't leave Magnus' whilst he spoke.

Magnus assured him his friends were all fine, which seemed to calm the Shadowhunter down a bit. He was still holding Magnus tightly, preventing the warlock from backing away.

Something clicked in Alec's mind. _The flame was Magnus. He saved my life._

"I missed you, Magnus. I missed you so much." He began to lean forward but Magnus held him back. Their eyes were still locked as Alec continued. "Magnus, I l..."

Magnus stopped him from speaking by calmly shushing him and putting a hand to Alec's cheek. Although he knew the words which Alec wanted to say, and wish he could return them, Magnus knew he could not.

"Alec, you're under the influence of a number of drugs and a high amount of magic. You need to get some sleep."

"But I'm not..." Alec didn't get to finish as the blue sparks from Magnus' fingers touched his face. He drifted asleep as gently and silently as he had awoken.

There was a pang of sadness inside Magnus' heart as he removed Alec's hand from his neck and lowered him down. But he knew what he did was right. If he was to hear those words, he wanted them from Alec himself, not when he had just come back from the dead. He wanted the words to mean something.

He carefully tucked Alec underneath the blanket and looked at him one last time before leaving the infirmary.

Outside the room Isabelle had been waiting impatiently. She hadn't left Alec's side until Magnus had shooed her out or the room. Seeing Magnus' sunken face Isabelle jumped to conclusions.

"Oh my god, Magnus, he is okay isn't he? Tell me Alec is alive. Oh, god this is my entire fault. He has to be alive or I..."

Magnus grabbed the panicked girl by the shoulders. "Calm down child! Your brother is alive."

Isabelle let out a sigh of relief. _He is okay!_ To Magnus' as well as her own surprise, she actually gave the warlock a hug. "Thank you."

She eventually remembered who she was and let the slightly scared warlock go. "Thank you," she repeated.

"No problem," Magnus shrugged as he walked away.

Isabelle knew that shrug. And she recognised the face. She didn't know Magnus well but she knew what that meant. _He's in love with Alec._ Magnus wasn't the easiest person to read, but Isabelle knew someone who was lovesick when she saw one.

She suddenly felt an odd sympathy for the warlock. She had initially suspected that, if he and Alec were to be in a relationship, it would be rather one-sided. But she now knew she was wrong.

Both Alec and Magnus really did like one another, but were too blind to see it.

Oh, how Isabelle wished she could meddle, but something told her these two people in particular weren't to be meddled with. They would have to figure this out for themselves. She prayed they would before they left it too late.

* * *

**Comments, positive or negative, are welcome!**

**3**


	7. Chapter 6

**Freeze**

**Chapter 6**

**I own nothing! I would have posted last night but the website wouldn't let me :(**

**But I'm here now!**

**Thanks so much to all my followers! I know 16 may not be many for some, but as this was my first fic I hadn't even been expecting 1. So thank you!**

**Please enjoy :)**

* * *

Once Alec had woken up the next day, he felt lost. He eventually figured out he was in the Infirmary, but that was about all he knew. _Why am I here?_ He had a terrible headache.

When Isabelle came in he gave her a hug. "Looks like you've finally come back from the dead!"

"What?" Alec was confused.

"Don't ever do that to me again – I thought you were dead!"

"I was what?!"

"You don't remember anything?"

Alec concentrated and then said, "I remember Clary figured how to get the Mortal Cup and that we were going to go find it, but then everything after that is a blur. What happened?"

"What happened was you jumped in front of a giant demon and almost got yourself killed. Thank god I knew you had Magnus' number or..."

Alec was extremely lost now. "You called Magnus?"

Isabelle found it funny how Alec paid more attention to the thought of Magnus being there than himself being pretty much temporarily dead. "Well it was good that I did! He saved your life didn't he?"

It all began to come back. "He saved my life," Alec bluntly stated. _And I didn't thank him. Crap._ He knew there was more too it but for now that was all Alec could remember. "I didn't thank him."

"Well how could you have? You were unconscious," But Isabelle quickly figured it out. "Oh my god you were awake. You were conscious the whole time?"

"No. Well, at least I don't think so. But I remember talking to Magnus so I must've been at some point." Isabelle noted the way Alec's eyes became distant and knew he was thinking about the warlock. It broke her heart to see her brother seem so sorrowful.

_Okay that's it. This cycle has gone long enough. _"Well you have some free time today. Go thank him."

"What? N-no I can't. I mean... I don't know."

"Are you sure you don't know?" Isabelle's face became serious. "Alec, I know you care about him. I might not be sure in what way, but you care about him."

Alec became incredibly nervous. If his sister knew something, what was to say his parents didn't figure out something was up. This wasn't good. But he continued to listen to what she had to say.

"Look, if you really care about him, you can't keep avoiding him like this. Magnus looked crushed when he left and what he feels is important too. If you don't figure out how you feel soon you're going to lose him."

Alec didn't know what to say. What could he say to that? _Why did Magnus seem upset?_ _Oh god, what did I say?_ He sighed. "Iz, everything, and I mean _everything_ I know or have ever been told... tells me this is wrong, tells me that it will end in disaster. S-so what if I do... l-like him?"

He swallowed. It was the first time he said it out loud. It might not have been a confirmation, but he said it out loud. "It doesn't make a difference. I mean, look at mom and dad. They have enough problems to deal with. I can't add this," he shakily gestured with his hands, "...to that."

Isabelle understood. Their parents were not the most approving of people. She knew their reaction wouldn't be a positive one.

"It doesn't matter." She said firmly. "It's not their decision to make. It's yours. If they can't accept it then that's their problem. Not yours. It doesn't matter if they don't approve or if they don't support you. Because you'll be happy, and that's all that really matters. And you know no matter what, whether you're gay or not," Alec flinched at the word. She put her hand gently on his shoulder. "I will be here for you. I am and always will be here for you. You know that right?" He gave a small smile.

"Maybe I'll go talk to him later today," he said quietly.

"Good," Isabelle said as she began to leave the room, knowing her brother would want some space. "I just want you to be happy."

Before she left, Alec spoke up. "And Izzy?" She looked up. "...Thanks."

She grinned. "No problem."

* * *

Eventually Alec gained the energy to get up and leave the infirmary. He had come to a decision.

Perhaps he and Magnus were meant to be friends or perhaps they were meant to be more, but either way he had to see him. And maybe give him an explanation. He hadn't really been clear with Magnus about how he felt. Although Alec himself barely knew how he felt, at least he could explain that to Magnus. And he knew he had to see him again.

It had been ages since he had seen Magnus and the truth was he missed him. The night in the infirmary was like a faded vision and Alec still couldn't recall half of what happened. He needed to see Magnus properly, to be able to hold him.

And he was too tired of being scared.

What really worried him were his parents. Robert and Maryse Lightwood were very serious Shadowhunters, but the Lightwoods on the whole were a very loving family and he didn't want to ruin that. He didn't want to tear his family apart because he might be gay, or worse: in love with a warlock.

It struck Alec that he had just considered he might love the warlock. He had said the word 'like', and he had considered 'like', but never 'love'. He knew it was a bit too soon to even consider that, as well as the fact he knew the mere idea should repulse him, but it didn't.

He was tired. He was tired of thinking he was wrong to feel anything. When his sister had left, Alec went through a list of people he knew in his head and realised Isabelle was right. Did it really matter what others thought of him?

As he walked through the corridor, he continued to think of people he knew. His mind stopped at Magnus. _Maybe some people's opinion's mater..._

* * *

And then he was running. He could hardly think, hardly _breathe_ with the huge lump in his throat, but he knew he had to keep running.

* * *

He had been about to leave to see Magnus when his mother insisted he and sister sat with her and her friend Eliza.

Alec disliked Eliza. She had always been an overly proud, overly thoughtless woman. However as she was his mother's friend, it was not his place to say so.

So he sat down and tried to make it look like he cared about what was being said.

The topic of conversation somehow changed to downworlders. _Perfect timing_, thought Alec as he glanced to Isabelle from across the room. Isabelle just shrugged. She was trying her best to change the subject, but was failing miserably.

"...filthy creatures," Eliza was saying. "We shouldn't have to put up with them."

Alec put his head in his hand. He didn't want to hear this.

"Which reminds me, Maryse dear, did you hear of that warlock?" His attention was caught. "The one they found lying lifeless on the streets of Brooklyn only yesterday night?"

It was like the world stopped.

Alec didn't hear his mother's response, or the rest of Eliza's babbling. His head was spinning with thoughts he couldn't fully comprehend. He shot out the door and into the cold of the night, leaving surprised stared behind him.

And then he was running.

* * *

**Sorry, not the most positive way to end a chapter.**

**Reviews are welcome! They always make my day :)**


	8. Chapter 7

**Freeze**

**Chapter 7**

**I own nothing!**

**Sorry it took a while for this one. I had a lot of unpacking to do, then I needed to find my computer, then I needed to make sure this chapter was as good as I can get it. It's a little shorter than the others but I couldn't really think of anything else to add.**

**Hope you like it :)**

* * *

Alec didn't know where he was, and wasn't quite sure where he was going, but it night had fallen and it was getting very cold. His mother would have told him off for not wearing something warmer and probably would have given him a lecture about it, but he couldn't care to think about that now. He had to keep running.

As he swung around the corner of the road he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled the number he had been staring hopelessly at for so many nights.

No answer.

He tried twice more.

No answer.

_It can't be Magnus. It couldn't be him. _His mind was overcrowded with thoughts, and running seemed to be making them come at him at a faster pace. Alec felt nauseous. _There must be other warlocks in Brooklyn. There has to be. Are there many warlocks in Brooklyn?_ He could only think of one.

It suddenly registered in Alec's mind that the body was found late the night before. The night Magnus was at the Institute. Around the time Izzy had said Magnus just left. A swarm of a million more questions surfaced. As much as he tried to push them out, he couldn't. He had to know for himself.

* * *

He was shaking hard when he reached the house – whether it was from the cold or not, he couldn't tell. His surroundings seemed to be spinning as Alec rang the doorbell. He waited for what seemed like forever, and then started hammering on the door.

_He has to be here, he has to be here. If he's not..._

The door opened. Alec looked up to see the shadow of a tall, bright figure before everything faded to black.

* * *

This time, when Alec woke up, his surroundings were completely unfamiliar.

When his vision began to clear up, Alec found himself wrapped in a dark blue blanket lying on a comfortable bed. He could tell without having to look that he wasn't at the Institute. The room had a something about it that the Institute didn't have, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

The curtains were shut but there was a light coming from a small lamp on the table. It was a nice room, Alec thought. It looked lived in, unlike most rooms in the Institute where everything was organised and almost too tidy.

Then he saw him sitting at the foot of the bed. His heart leaped. "Magnus?"

Magnus moved closer and sighed. "You have to stop doing this Alec. Are you insane? Stop trying to get yourself killed. I can't be there to help you every time. And you're still meant to be recovering. You could have died out there!"

Alec's face broke into a large smile as he hugged Magnus and breathed him in. He had to make sure he was really there.

"You're alive. Thank god you're alive," Alec mumbled into a surprised Magnus' shirt. "I thought you were dead. I mean, I heard and I didn't want to believe it was you but I didn't have anything to say that it wasn't you either so I was still so worried and I needed to know it wasn't you who they found yesterday so I ran here. I just ran because the thought of you being gone..." He was trembling now.

He looked up at Magnus to see him staring down at him trying to comprehend what he had said.

"I'm just glad you're alive."

Their gazes locked. It was the first time Alec noticed the shimmering gold in Magnus' eyes. How he hadn't noticed it before he did not know, but it made him look oddly beautiful.

They were so close now that Alec could feel Magnus' soft, steady breathing on his skin, their eyes never parting. But Magnus didn't lean forward. He remained just millimetres away from Alec's lips, not daring to come any closer. So Alec did instead. As their lips touched, everything around them faded away. It felt more than right. As long as they had each other like this, Alec realised, nothing else seemed to matter. Magnus raised his hand to Alec's cheek to deepen the kiss as Alec wrapped his arms around his neck. Maybe Alec would never be accepted by his parents, but as long as he had Magnus, he would always feel like he belonged.

* * *

As they parted Alec went a light pink colour, but didn't move away. Magnus just smiled.

"What changed?"

"Nothing," Alec shook his head gently, his arms still around Magnus. "I just realised that, well, being without you... I just couldn't be without you. And when I thought I'd lost you forever..." He shied away a little, which gave him a chance to take in more of his surroundings.

Although he had never seen the room before, there was something familiar about it. Alec recognised the scent the room came with. The room smelt strongly of sandalwood. Alec's suspicions were confirmed and his uneasiness rose when he spotted the pot of glitter on the bedside table and realised he was in Magnus' room. But Magnus interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey," Alec looked at him again. "You won't ever lose me, Alec."

Alec loosened his grip on Magnus, only just realising how tightly he was holding him. But Magnus hadn't seemed to mind. "I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"You don't have to be," Magnus said, almost a whisper.

"Good." And with that, Alec kissed him again. He wished he could freeze this moment to keep it with him forever.

Because this was perfect.

* * *

**Hope you liked this one :3**


	9. Chapter 8

**Freeze**

**Chapter 8**

**I'm afraid that this is the last chapter for now. Please, please, _please _don't hate me, it's just that I have school starting tomorrow and I promised myself I will do better as last year I got my first D (which is terrible since my school don't mark lower that a D). And this year is the first year working towards the really important stuff so I can't afford to fall behind or miss out. :(**

**I'm pretty sure I will continue this as there is a lot more I can do with it, but I can't promise when that will be - but it won't be ridiculously long. I would try and work my writing around school but if you thought my posting was inconsistent now, it would be 100 times worse (like gaps up to 2 or 3 weeks).**

**Anyway, I'm babbling now.**

**So for now I leave you on a happy note...**

* * *

"Somebody looks awfully positive today," Isabelle mumbled as she positioned the flowers in the vase, but saying it just loudly enough for Alec to hear.

Alec knew there was no use denying the fact he was in a good mood. It was too obvious. "Really?" he asked half absently as he set plates onto the table.

"Really," she echoed. She placed the vase in the centre of the table and folded her arms at her brother. "You still haven't thanked me."

"For...?"

"For saving you from the dangerous threat that is our mother." It was true. The day after Alec had run off his mother had been a cyclone of questions.

"Alexander Lightwood, where have you been? I haven't seen you since you rudely left yesterday! Are you alright? You didn't go out in that cold weather without a jumper did you?" Alec had laughed silently to himself. He knew his mother too well.

He had been about to respond with saying he was fine but Isabelle quickly stepped in.

"Alec wasn't feeling well – a possible side effect from his injury. I saw him in his room when he was feeling a bit better." Their mother looked suspicious and then asked why she hadn't seen him afterwards.

Isabelle interrupted again. "I managed to persuade him to help with some of the preparations. He was helping me pretty much all night." Maryse was about to question further but was reminded of the upcoming banquet the next day and hurried off to do some preparing of her own.

"I'm still expecting a thank you."

"I could have handled it myself you know."

"Of course you _could_ have, but you didn't. So..." she said, stretching the 'o' sound.

Alec gave in. "Fine. Thank you. Happy?"

"Very." Isabelle went back to setting the tables. After a few minutes, a thought came to her mind, and she spoke again. "So, are you going to tell me where you were that night or am I just going to have to make assumptions?"

Anyone in the right mind knew leaving Isabelle to make assumptions was a bad idea. "I was at Magnus' – _not_," seeing his sister's raised eyebrows. "...what you think."

"So you took my advice," she stated proudly.

"What is it with you and the word 'so' today?"

Isabelle smirked. "Paranoid? And don't change the subject."

"Yes, I took your advice. I just hadn't anticipated the weather being that cold." Alec had to stay the night at Magnus' house. Although he said he felt better and that he could make it back home, Magnus insisted he stayed until the weather had died down. That hadn't been until the morning. Even then he insisted he borrow a jumper from him.

Isabelle would have gladly annoyed her brother about staying at Magnus' for the night but decided against it.

"So," she stopped at the sight of her brother's frustrated glare. "Sorry. Are you two a couple now?" Alec avoided her gaze and silently continued to set the table. "And is that why you're in such a good mood?" He still remained quiet. "I'll take that as a yes."

Alec was glad he didn't have to hide the truth from everyone. He had told himself he would come out to his parents soon, yet the time never seemed right. At least he had Isabelle.

"You know," Isabelle said. "I think he'll be really good for you."

"I think so too."

* * *

_Here again_, thought Alec as he sat quietly alone at a table. All night there had been no sight of Magnus. Alec hadn't heard of him for two days and his heart felt heavy in his chest. _He said he was coming. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he..._ His thoughts were interrupted by Isabelle.

"Haven't seen him yet?" She sat down next to him gracefully.

Alec shook his head. He didn't notice the small smile playing on Isabelle's lips. "How about going out into the gardens for a bit of fresh air? That always cheers me up."

"I'm fine, really Iz. He's not..."

"Don't be so stubborn for once and just go." Isabelle hauled him onto his feet.

Alec gave his sister a surprised look. "Okay, okay, I'm going." _She's acting awfully strange_.

As he walked off, Isabelle hummed happily to herself. _What would he do without me?_

* * *

As he stepped outside, Alec breathed in the cold night air.

The gardens, as always, were beautiful. The rarest of flowers and trees grew there, in a range of colours from scarlet reds to sapphire blues. However, Alec's favourite had always been the large weeping willow, where he used to think he could hide away from the world and everyone in it. Sometimes he wished he could do that now.

Alec and his sister used to come out here all the time as children. Although he hadn't been in a while, it looked as tranquil and as perfect as ever.

He settled into the small, wooden bench and watched the golden fish swim about in the pond.

"It is lovely out here, isn't it?" Alec turned to see Magnus sitting himself beside him.

Alec's eyes lit up. "You came."

"I said I would. And I made sure nobody else was out here, just the two of us."

_Of course, Isabelle knew_. Then he frowned. He still hadn't told his parents, something he promised himself he would.

"About that, Magnus, I'm sorry I haven't told anyone yet." Alec looked down to his feet. "I really wanted to and I told myself I would, but the time never felt right and I just don't know how to..."

Magnus turned Alec's head to face him.

"It's fine Alec. You don't need to worry so much. I know how hard it is, especially with your parents. Take all the time you need."

Alec leaned closer to Magnus and put his arms around him, resting his head on Magnus' shoulder and sighed. He wished moments like these would never end.

"Thank you," Alec said after a while.

"For what?"

"For being you."

Alec didn't remember how it happened, but they were kissing. And as always, it felt perfect.

After they had parted, Alec spoke.

"I promise I will tell my parents."

Magnus pulled Alec closer. "I know you will. But until then, let's just appreciate now."

There was so much more Alec wanted to say, but couldn't. Instead he just placed a small kiss on Magnus' lips.

"I appreciate every second."

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading so far.**

**I love you all.**


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